I think that is why I love doing miracle league so much- the kids are genuinely happy. They are all unharmed by today's society and are just natural, amazing kids 😊
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Angry? Nah!
A friend pointed out since my last post that I always seem angry in what I write- I promise I'm not. I'm actually a happy person but only because I truly believe true happiness comes from inside and is not a result of external factors. I've never needed someone else to make me happy. Do I get stressed? Yes! But in general I'm happy with how my life is at the moment. Instead some of my blog posts are fueled by aggravation and disappointment. I must have missed the day that society deemed it acceptable to disappoint someone! Some of these individuals I've known for a while and some not. Yet, failing to do something that you agreed to do to me adds numerous other adjectives- distrust, unreliability, and lack of charity. Plus I think it's blandly disrespectful. If you can't do something- then say that. However, don't ever ask me why I don't trust easily in a society like the one we live in. There's a difference between insuring your own happiness and being selfish.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Hard to Please
I am such a picky person... Especially when it comes to letting people in my life. In the end though my happiness comes first. Don't get me wrong I want my friends to be happy but I'm not the type of person that is willing to make myself unhappy just to please another. I'm extremely strong willed and extremely stubborn. I don't ask for help often because I usually end up disappointed when I do. I put 100% into everything I do especially when I'm doing something for someone else. I would never want another to be disappointed in me. So when I do ask for help and an individual fails miserably my reliance on that person falters greatly. I'm not an idiot and its an automatic defense mechanism to take a step back.
A friend of the family once told me that whoever I end up with for life is going to have to be one strong son of a bitch. I will openly admit I'm not an easy person to get along with.. I don't love or feel easily but when I do- its unstoppable! I like things the way that I like them- I'm not perfect but I am a perfectionist. I say what I mean and it is a huge pet peeve when someone tries to draw out alternative meanings that don't exist. If I meant something different then I would have said something different. I know I deserve someone amazing but when individuals don't see that in themselves and lack self confidence they create such a hard barrier around them without even realizing it.
There are a lot of people in my life but in the end there is only one that is not replaceable and that's my mom. ( don't worry- I'm counting the furbabies as actual dogs this time around). I love my friends and wouldn't trade them for the world but if you don't want to be here anymore you don't have to be. I'm not fake... The people important to me know it.. And have no doubt in it!! I expect the same... And lately haven't felt much of it with a few exceptions. I will hold the door wide open for you... Just say the word!
And to clarify before speculation occurs... This is about multiple people! So if the show fits- wear it!
I know I can be a bitch and I know I'm hard to please- but I would
Much rather know exactly what I want and be able to vocalize it than be someone who gets walked all over and taken advantage of.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
(Wo)Mans Best Friend
As far back as I could remember, I’ve always had a dog. My first one
was named Bo. My parents got him around the same time that I was born,
and we literally grew up together. He was a great dane and extremely
over protective of me. He would even growl or snap at my older
brothers if he thought they were a danger to me. We had to get rid of
him when he ended up hurting one of my brother’s friends whom he
thought was trying to hurt me. Next there was Midnight. A full blooded
chow-chow. We had her for years. We lived in the country, so we would
let her out and she would run around, play with the neighbor’s kids,
and return home. No one ever voiced a concern to us about her coming
in their yards, and she was never aggressive-not once! A neighbor shot
and killed her because she was in his yard instead of doing the noble
and adult thing and communicating with us that this was an issue. I
remember calling her for the last time, and her trying to come too me
but she couldn’t because the bullet wound had broke her back. From
there, we had countless dogs that never lived long because they would
get run over by cars. Then we got Raggs. He was a shiz tzu. We had him
for I believe almost 14 years when he passed away in 2009. He was
definitely my mom’s baby, and throughout this whole time we have
always gone to Tar River Veterinary Hospital. They kept such good care
of Raggs in his final days, and for that reason and that reason alone
we continue to go to them even now. They love our dogs ALMOST as much
as we do, and it shows in their dedication. In 2008, right before my
22nd birthday, I went to a local animal shelter. I wanted a small,
cute, girly little dog…but instead I fell absolutely head over hells
for this adorable dog. He was a beagle, terrier mix. His legs were so
disproportionate to his body, and he was so ugly that he was cute. I
named him Broadway, and he just turned 5 this past April. Next came
Wicked-the part Persian devil cat. I got him in the fall of 2010. I
rescued him from a family who had picked him up as a stray, and
couldn’t keep him because of a family member that had severe
allergies. He was 3 this spring, and now that he’s become an
outdoor/indoor kitty is a lot more happy. Then came Kinglsey. A 7 lb
adorable Morkie. I got him in June 2011. He was born in September 2010
though. The family that had him before returned him to my Aunt’s
sister who was the breeder. They said he wouldn’t stop peeing on her
husbands feet. When I got this poor fellow he was obviously stressed,
and he was scared to death of men. Who hair was visibly thin, so much
so that the vet thought his hair was just naturally that way; and his
tail was also broken. To this day if you still rub it, you can feel
the kink in it. By the time fall 2011 rolled around, this cutie was
full of fur and full of love. Lastly, came Jacqueline (“Jaxx”). She is
a pit/terrier mix. We got her from another local animal control in
February 2012. She is already visibly the biggest dog we have.
As you can see, I have a lot of experience with my dogs. They all for
the most part are obedient. Stubborn sometimes yes-but so is their
mama so what can I say. I have seen first hand how one raises their
dog effects their outcome of how they grow. My mom has a miniature
dauschand/ Chihuahua mix. This dog doesn’t listen for nothing. My mom
raised her how she chose too, and that was entirely her right to
choose. However, it resulted in a dog that isn’t always the easiest to
handle or the easiest to manage. I’m not going to sit here and say my
dogs are perfect—because they aren’t. I’ve been bitten before.
Broadway bit all the time when he was younger-and he’s bit viciously
in recent years. However, each time recently was warranted. I want to
know that if push comes to shove, my baby is going to be there to
defend me and in each situation he has been. When he was younger, and
would bite or gnaw to hard—I would turn around and bite him back. If
it was on my hand, I bit his paw. If it was on my ear, I bit his ear.
You get the picture. I set boundaries quickly that I was the “alpha
male” –errr.. female in my case. My dogs mostly don’t even know they
are dogs-they get groomed once a week. They can eat whenever they want
too, they have a big back yard to roam around in—and p.s. since we
have 5 dogs, and a cat, in one household currently it’s basically like
your very own dog park. They sleep in the bed every night---I sleep
with 70+ lbs of dog around me anytime I’m not working. They are
spoiled as can be. However, I know my dogs. I know that when they are
getting frustrated to remove them from the situation. I am careful
anytime I introduce them to new people, new dogs, and especially new
children. My morkie goes with my mom and I to Miracle League whenever
we can take him and he loves to kiss on all the kids. Dogs actually
help children with disabilities. Some kids who never talk or never
talk effectively-do so when Kingsley is around. It’s amazing!
It’s very true some dogs are just aggressive. With the right owners
and the right understanding-these problems/issues can be worked
through. Making them happy, loveable dogs. I was reading the news
article about the pit bull that mauled the a 3 year old yesterday when
it was able to get out of the room it was locked in.
http://www.wral.com/pit-bull-mauls-3-ye
It is a sad story but it does indeed happen. One, the dog shouldn’t
have been confined in such a manner. Two, if a child is afraid of dogs
(which was evident since the child started screaming immediately) then
you probably shouldn’t offer to baby sit him. The dog shouldn’t have
attacked the child, but the owners could have avoided this situation.
The media will be the first to let out the news when a dog—especially
those labeled as “aggressive breeds”---- commits a vicious attack or
mauling or does anything else that is negative. What about the
positives though? Though I can’t find the link currently-what about
the pit that pulled his owner into a secluded area on their walk to
only discover an elderly person who had fallen and was unable to
recover. We hardly hear any of those stories.
People who don’t have dogs and don’t have the connection that a pet
owner has with their pet-will never understand where we are coming
from. Dogs are meant to be naturally feared-and those who fear them
because they don’t understand them are close minded. Prime example---I
found a pit bull wandering around my neighborhood. My first instinct
is to find it’s owner. The dog was uber friendly and came right up to
me. It allowed me to leash it. Then I walked around the neighborhood
and attempted to find it’s owners. I am a 5’2 small girl. I could
basically sit down on this dog. About 90% of people wouldn’t even open
their doors to me because they saw the dog. That’s ridiculous! I
finally found a nice couple who helped me find his home. He had dug
out of his owners back yard. I stop often when I see a stray dog, and
if it will come to me or let me approach it-I try to find it’s owners.
I would hope that some one would show me the same courtesy if any of
my pooches ever got out.
My dogs are apart of my family. They are my children. They might be
four-legged and furry, but they mind better than a lot of kids I see
in stores with their parents.
was named Bo. My parents got him around the same time that I was born,
and we literally grew up together. He was a great dane and extremely
over protective of me. He would even growl or snap at my older
brothers if he thought they were a danger to me. We had to get rid of
him when he ended up hurting one of my brother’s friends whom he
thought was trying to hurt me. Next there was Midnight. A full blooded
chow-chow. We had her for years. We lived in the country, so we would
let her out and she would run around, play with the neighbor’s kids,
and return home. No one ever voiced a concern to us about her coming
in their yards, and she was never aggressive-not once! A neighbor shot
and killed her because she was in his yard instead of doing the noble
and adult thing and communicating with us that this was an issue. I
remember calling her for the last time, and her trying to come too me
but she couldn’t because the bullet wound had broke her back. From
there, we had countless dogs that never lived long because they would
get run over by cars. Then we got Raggs. He was a shiz tzu. We had him
for I believe almost 14 years when he passed away in 2009. He was
definitely my mom’s baby, and throughout this whole time we have
always gone to Tar River Veterinary Hospital. They kept such good care
of Raggs in his final days, and for that reason and that reason alone
we continue to go to them even now. They love our dogs ALMOST as much
as we do, and it shows in their dedication. In 2008, right before my
22nd birthday, I went to a local animal shelter. I wanted a small,
cute, girly little dog…but instead I fell absolutely head over hells
for this adorable dog. He was a beagle, terrier mix. His legs were so
disproportionate to his body, and he was so ugly that he was cute. I
named him Broadway, and he just turned 5 this past April. Next came
Wicked-the part Persian devil cat. I got him in the fall of 2010. I
rescued him from a family who had picked him up as a stray, and
couldn’t keep him because of a family member that had severe
allergies. He was 3 this spring, and now that he’s become an
outdoor/indoor kitty is a lot more happy. Then came Kinglsey. A 7 lb
adorable Morkie. I got him in June 2011. He was born in September 2010
though. The family that had him before returned him to my Aunt’s
sister who was the breeder. They said he wouldn’t stop peeing on her
husbands feet. When I got this poor fellow he was obviously stressed,
and he was scared to death of men. Who hair was visibly thin, so much
so that the vet thought his hair was just naturally that way; and his
tail was also broken. To this day if you still rub it, you can feel
the kink in it. By the time fall 2011 rolled around, this cutie was
full of fur and full of love. Lastly, came Jacqueline (“Jaxx”). She is
a pit/terrier mix. We got her from another local animal control in
February 2012. She is already visibly the biggest dog we have.
As you can see, I have a lot of experience with my dogs. They all for
the most part are obedient. Stubborn sometimes yes-but so is their
mama so what can I say. I have seen first hand how one raises their
dog effects their outcome of how they grow. My mom has a miniature
dauschand/ Chihuahua mix. This dog doesn’t listen for nothing. My mom
raised her how she chose too, and that was entirely her right to
choose. However, it resulted in a dog that isn’t always the easiest to
handle or the easiest to manage. I’m not going to sit here and say my
dogs are perfect—because they aren’t. I’ve been bitten before.
Broadway bit all the time when he was younger-and he’s bit viciously
in recent years. However, each time recently was warranted. I want to
know that if push comes to shove, my baby is going to be there to
defend me and in each situation he has been. When he was younger, and
would bite or gnaw to hard—I would turn around and bite him back. If
it was on my hand, I bit his paw. If it was on my ear, I bit his ear.
You get the picture. I set boundaries quickly that I was the “alpha
male” –errr.. female in my case. My dogs mostly don’t even know they
are dogs-they get groomed once a week. They can eat whenever they want
too, they have a big back yard to roam around in—and p.s. since we
have 5 dogs, and a cat, in one household currently it’s basically like
your very own dog park. They sleep in the bed every night---I sleep
with 70+ lbs of dog around me anytime I’m not working. They are
spoiled as can be. However, I know my dogs. I know that when they are
getting frustrated to remove them from the situation. I am careful
anytime I introduce them to new people, new dogs, and especially new
children. My morkie goes with my mom and I to Miracle League whenever
we can take him and he loves to kiss on all the kids. Dogs actually
help children with disabilities. Some kids who never talk or never
talk effectively-do so when Kingsley is around. It’s amazing!
It’s very true some dogs are just aggressive. With the right owners
and the right understanding-these problems/issues can be worked
through. Making them happy, loveable dogs. I was reading the news
article about the pit bull that mauled the a 3 year old yesterday when
it was able to get out of the room it was locked in.
http://www.wral.com/pit-bull-mauls-3-ye
It is a sad story but it does indeed happen. One, the dog shouldn’t
have been confined in such a manner. Two, if a child is afraid of dogs
(which was evident since the child started screaming immediately) then
you probably shouldn’t offer to baby sit him. The dog shouldn’t have
attacked the child, but the owners could have avoided this situation.
The media will be the first to let out the news when a dog—especially
those labeled as “aggressive breeds”---- commits a vicious attack or
mauling or does anything else that is negative. What about the
positives though? Though I can’t find the link currently-what about
the pit that pulled his owner into a secluded area on their walk to
only discover an elderly person who had fallen and was unable to
recover. We hardly hear any of those stories.
People who don’t have dogs and don’t have the connection that a pet
owner has with their pet-will never understand where we are coming
from. Dogs are meant to be naturally feared-and those who fear them
because they don’t understand them are close minded. Prime example---I
found a pit bull wandering around my neighborhood. My first instinct
is to find it’s owner. The dog was uber friendly and came right up to
me. It allowed me to leash it. Then I walked around the neighborhood
and attempted to find it’s owners. I am a 5’2 small girl. I could
basically sit down on this dog. About 90% of people wouldn’t even open
their doors to me because they saw the dog. That’s ridiculous! I
finally found a nice couple who helped me find his home. He had dug
out of his owners back yard. I stop often when I see a stray dog, and
if it will come to me or let me approach it-I try to find it’s owners.
I would hope that some one would show me the same courtesy if any of
my pooches ever got out.
My dogs are apart of my family. They are my children. They might be
four-legged and furry, but they mind better than a lot of kids I see
in stores with their parents.
Changing Tides
Change is inevitable. Sometimes change is good and sometimes change is
bad. The world as a whole is comprised of differences: different
races, different religions, different locations, different viewpoints,
different stances, different arguments, different looks, different
genres in the arts (music, painting, etc.)---the list is endless. Yet,
what some individuals lack is the ability to accept differences. A lot
of people are close minded to what they disagree with or don’t
understand. Some of these people have logical arguments to back up
their arguments and some don’t. (Yes people-believing something only
because your mom and dad did is not a logical argument!) However, by
accepting someone else’s differences doesn’t mean that you agree with
them-it just means that you realize they are different than yourself
and that there is nothing wrong with this fact. I disagree with
people regularly but as long as you have an educated, communicable
backing to your opinion or belief then I will actually listen to what
you have to say. Now if you don’t have any clue what you are talking
about then that’s a whole other story. Just being able to sit down
and have a conversation with another person in regards to the
difference each of you share is a rarity and part of the issue with
today’s society. It’s fine if you were raised in a specific manner and
you feel a certain way because of that, but that being said it doesn’t
mean that it is acceptable to still live in the same mindset that you
had back in the 60’s, 70’s or 80’s. Times are continually changing and
though you have every right to your own opinion and the right to talk
about, you at least need to realize that you aren’t living in the same
world as you were before. You need to accept that changes have been
made in politics, law, media, technology…. In order to keep up with
the evolution of society.
A hotly debated topic right now is gun control. I personally do not
feel that by creating stricter regulations in order to purchase a gun
to begin with or placing limitations on what guns you can own will be
able to curb violence. However, I work in a prison and I have a
different viewpoint than a lot of people have. Now if every crime on
this planet was committed by a gun and no other type of weapon----then
I’d be the first to say dismantle every single one. However, that is
not the case. Crimes are committed utilizing all sorts of weapons:
guns, knives, bombs, hammers, shovels, etc. etc. Have you ever read a
news story about a murder that was executed using just a simple,
common household item? Like the above mentioned hammer, knife, or
shovel. I have on numerous occasions. However, if it is your argument
that the easy availability of guns is why some crimes occur-then are
you also going to restrict other items as well? Item’s where their
restrictions would be less logical than that of a gun. Doubtful! A
criminal is going to commit whatever crime they want to commit
regardless of what stands in their way. When was the last time you saw
a criminal (at least one with a record already) walk into a gun store
to purchase a weapon that they plan to use for their next crime? I
will be the first to admit that we do have some very ignorant
criminals, but I would be willing to bet they are probably going to go
buy it off of their good buddy down the street first. In the
situations where they have obtained weapons through the means of their
parents or similar sources, that’s not avoidable. Their parents would
more than likely pass what ever background checks they are forced to
go through, or red tape you put up for them. Still allowing those
youngsters access to the weapons you are trying to prevent them from
having. I truly believe that one bad apple spoils it for the bunch!
However, just last night I set down and discussed my opinion on the
topic and a co-worker discussed his. Did he change my opinion or did I
change his-no-but at the same time, we mutually respected each other’s
separate opinion. That is they key!
Some people stand so directly in the way of their own interpersonal
growth. How do you know you disagree with another if you aren’t
willing to hear what they have to say to start with? In order to grow
you have to evolve mentally. You can’t just stay in the same place
forever.
On a side note-I do truly believe that crime is committed through the
choice of the individual. Most individuals feel that the worst crime
you can commit is murder. It’s something you can’t ever take back,
fix, or change. There are numerous instances of differing variations
and styles of murder that can be acknowledged:
*The one on everyone’s mind is the bombing in Boston, and everything
that occurred in it’s aftermath. From reports though the older brother
had some issues, the younger brother had any reported altercations
with law enforcement or other officials. The older brother was even
interviewed and cleared by our own FBI.
*Jodi Arias - a 32 year old woman accused of murdering her then
boyfriend, Travis Alexander, on June 4, 2008. Alexander was shot,
stabbed almost 30 times, and had his throat cut from ear to ear. Arias
is claiming that she was emotionally and physically abused and feared
for her life.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/1
*Mario McNeill l-this trial is about to start soon in NC. McNeill was
accused of raping, kidnapping, and murdering Shaniya Davis back in
2009 in Fayetteville. The girls own mother according to documents also
had a hand in what happened though she was the first to initially
report the girl missing. Antoinette Davis, the girls mother, is being
charged with first-degree murder, indecent liberties with a child,
felony child abuse, felony sexual servitude, rape of a child, sexual
offense of a child by an adult offender, human trafficking and making
a false police report.
http://www.wral.com/mystery-defense-mot
*James Holmes-this is the individual who opened fire in a movie
theater during the latest batman movie. A total of 12 people were
killed and 70 were injured.
http://www.wral.com/colo-prosecutors-ma
*Paul Curtis-the 45 year old male from Mississippi that alleged sent
ricin-laced letters to the president and other officials.
http://www.wral.com/family-says-acc
*John White-convicted of murdering his fiancées daughter by repeatedly
striking her in the head with a mallet and then choking her with a zip
tie. Before this he was a minister.
http://www.wral.com/mich-minister-g
As you can see.. people aren’t always good!
bad. The world as a whole is comprised of differences: different
races, different religions, different locations, different viewpoints,
different stances, different arguments, different looks, different
genres in the arts (music, painting, etc.)---the list is endless. Yet,
what some individuals lack is the ability to accept differences. A lot
of people are close minded to what they disagree with or don’t
understand. Some of these people have logical arguments to back up
their arguments and some don’t. (Yes people-believing something only
because your mom and dad did is not a logical argument!) However, by
accepting someone else’s differences doesn’t mean that you agree with
them-it just means that you realize they are different than yourself
and that there is nothing wrong with this fact. I disagree with
people regularly but as long as you have an educated, communicable
backing to your opinion or belief then I will actually listen to what
you have to say. Now if you don’t have any clue what you are talking
about then that’s a whole other story. Just being able to sit down
and have a conversation with another person in regards to the
difference each of you share is a rarity and part of the issue with
today’s society. It’s fine if you were raised in a specific manner and
you feel a certain way because of that, but that being said it doesn’t
mean that it is acceptable to still live in the same mindset that you
had back in the 60’s, 70’s or 80’s. Times are continually changing and
though you have every right to your own opinion and the right to talk
about, you at least need to realize that you aren’t living in the same
world as you were before. You need to accept that changes have been
made in politics, law, media, technology…. In order to keep up with
the evolution of society.
A hotly debated topic right now is gun control. I personally do not
feel that by creating stricter regulations in order to purchase a gun
to begin with or placing limitations on what guns you can own will be
able to curb violence. However, I work in a prison and I have a
different viewpoint than a lot of people have. Now if every crime on
this planet was committed by a gun and no other type of weapon----then
I’d be the first to say dismantle every single one. However, that is
not the case. Crimes are committed utilizing all sorts of weapons:
guns, knives, bombs, hammers, shovels, etc. etc. Have you ever read a
news story about a murder that was executed using just a simple,
common household item? Like the above mentioned hammer, knife, or
shovel. I have on numerous occasions. However, if it is your argument
that the easy availability of guns is why some crimes occur-then are
you also going to restrict other items as well? Item’s where their
restrictions would be less logical than that of a gun. Doubtful! A
criminal is going to commit whatever crime they want to commit
regardless of what stands in their way. When was the last time you saw
a criminal (at least one with a record already) walk into a gun store
to purchase a weapon that they plan to use for their next crime? I
will be the first to admit that we do have some very ignorant
criminals, but I would be willing to bet they are probably going to go
buy it off of their good buddy down the street first. In the
situations where they have obtained weapons through the means of their
parents or similar sources, that’s not avoidable. Their parents would
more than likely pass what ever background checks they are forced to
go through, or red tape you put up for them. Still allowing those
youngsters access to the weapons you are trying to prevent them from
having. I truly believe that one bad apple spoils it for the bunch!
However, just last night I set down and discussed my opinion on the
topic and a co-worker discussed his. Did he change my opinion or did I
change his-no-but at the same time, we mutually respected each other’s
separate opinion. That is they key!
Some people stand so directly in the way of their own interpersonal
growth. How do you know you disagree with another if you aren’t
willing to hear what they have to say to start with? In order to grow
you have to evolve mentally. You can’t just stay in the same place
forever.
On a side note-I do truly believe that crime is committed through the
choice of the individual. Most individuals feel that the worst crime
you can commit is murder. It’s something you can’t ever take back,
fix, or change. There are numerous instances of differing variations
and styles of murder that can be acknowledged:
*The one on everyone’s mind is the bombing in Boston, and everything
that occurred in it’s aftermath. From reports though the older brother
had some issues, the younger brother had any reported altercations
with law enforcement or other officials. The older brother was even
interviewed and cleared by our own FBI.
*Jodi Arias - a 32 year old woman accused of murdering her then
boyfriend, Travis Alexander, on June 4, 2008. Alexander was shot,
stabbed almost 30 times, and had his throat cut from ear to ear. Arias
is claiming that she was emotionally and physically abused and feared
for her life.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/1
*Mario McNeill l-this trial is about to start soon in NC. McNeill was
accused of raping, kidnapping, and murdering Shaniya Davis back in
2009 in Fayetteville. The girls own mother according to documents also
had a hand in what happened though she was the first to initially
report the girl missing. Antoinette Davis, the girls mother, is being
charged with first-degree murder, indecent liberties with a child,
felony child abuse, felony sexual servitude, rape of a child, sexual
offense of a child by an adult offender, human trafficking and making
a false police report.
http://www.wral.com/mystery-defense-mot
*James Holmes-this is the individual who opened fire in a movie
theater during the latest batman movie. A total of 12 people were
killed and 70 were injured.
http://www.wral.com/colo-prosecutors-ma
*Paul Curtis-the 45 year old male from Mississippi that alleged sent
ricin-laced letters to the president and other officials.
http://www.wral.com/family-says-acc
*John White-convicted of murdering his fiancées daughter by repeatedly
striking her in the head with a mallet and then choking her with a zip
tie. Before this he was a minister.
http://www.wral.com/mich-minister-g
As you can see.. people aren’t always good!
S.O.S.
As a lot of you know—I have had a lot going on in the past few weeks.
I haven’t really been up for talking about it because a lot of is
useless drama that could have been easily avoided by one acting their
age and two because it honestly still hurts.
Maturity is not defined by age but by actions. Just because you may be
the same age as another does not mean that you are as mature as that
person, or vice versa. I am just as guilty for name calling when I am
hurt as the next person is. However, I know these people. I know how
to hit them were it hurts, and when I’m upset or hurt I want them to
feel the same way. Is that right? No! Is it mature? No! However, in
the heat of an argument---it is easy to get caught up. Something I am
sure that each of us is guilty of at some point. However, I don’t
judge people. PERIOD! I decide how I feel about a person based on
their actions and what I learn about them myself. If I have friends
that don’t like a person-that does not automatically mean I am not
going to like this person as well. I am not a follower, I have my own
mind and I make my own decisions. Making judgments about people based
on the opinion of someone else or based on details/stories/comments
made by someone else about a person is immature and out right stupid.
Have you ever heard there are three sides to every story? Each
person’s side and then the truth. A person’s comments/stories are
biased and one sided. So how can one look themselves in the mirror
when you have judged another without even knowing them? Where they
came from, why they are the way they are, why they make the decisions
that they do… For whatever reason-I have always been a person who
didn’t trust easily. I am overly picky and selective about the people
that I choose to let get close to me. I have many upon many
acquaintances, I have an even smaller number of friends that I hang
out with or communicate with regularly, but I have 3 people that I
ultimately would trust with anything. If you had asked me about a
month ago the answer would have been 4. The first has been my best
friend since the 4th grade. We’ve been through everything together at
this point. Break ups, marriage, kids, separation, arguments, moving
away, moving back, birthdays, deaths..the list truly is endless. The
second is someone I met when I was 16 (about to be 17!). We can go
days, weeks, or months without talking but the second that I need him
he has always been there. The start of our relationship didn’t begin
well, but all the disagreeing turned into an amazing friendship. A
true friend will do things for you even when they really don’t want
too. He hates parties but I have drug him to more than one since
moving back home. He’s probably the only person on this planet that I
can be all out bawling with and he’ll just sit there and hold me. No
questions asked! Sometimes silence is what is needed, and he realizes
that. Plus he reminds me regularly just how strong of a person I
really am when I often fail to realize it. Lastly, is the one I have
met most recently. I met her in 2008 when I moved to Greenville, but
our friendship was not instantaneous. However, once I realized that we
were just a like in about all of our opinions our friendship blossomed
quickly. I know I could call her any time and any day, and even though
she doesn’t live here she would be there for me. I think in the entire
time we’ve been friends we’ve disagreed on one topic..but we
communicated and she understood my side and I understood her side. End
of topic! It didn’t ruin our friendship, we didn’t argue about it. It
just was what it was.
A true friend is someone that you trust with your life. You know they
are always going to be honest with you even if they are aware it is
not what you want to hear. They are reliable, trust worthy, and even
when you disagree you are able to communicate and work past your
issues. You know no matter what they will always make time for you
and will always be there for you. Due to the fact that the people
that fall into this category for me have been in there places in my
life for no less than 4 years. I figured my judgement was on point.
However, earlier this year I was proven very wrong. Someone that I had
allowed to be in my life since last August, someone who I thought I
could trust with anything—betrayed me in the most ultimate way.
Information that I had entrusted with him, he shared with someone
else. Who knows in the end probably even more than one person… I have
never felt so heartbroken..and not because I had feelings for him or
because it was anything like that but because he committed the
greatest friendship “sin.” I can get past you being dishonest, I can
get past you not exactly being reliable, I can get past a lot of
things--- I might be angry but as long as you communicate with
me---then I will get over it. However, for you to provided intimate
details of my life—details I had entrusted in you---to someone I don’t
even really know. That’s unforgiveable in my eyes. I could have
turned around and done the same to you. I could have told people
intimate things you entrusted in me. I could have told people what
you really think of them..and backed it up with text messages.
However, though I often can be a bitch I would never betray him like
that. Even now! That is probably the lowest things that a human can
do. You often complained that you didn’t think that your
ex-girlfriends parents thought you were good enough for her… at this
point I understand what they saw. I was being just as blind to your
actions as she was… and at your current state you didn’t deserve her
and you didn’t deserve my friendship. In the end, though it hurts even
now, I am glad it happened. It showed me what kind of person that he
truly is and that I guess I need to be even more shielded and
protective of who I place my trust in. It begs the question of what
this world is truly coming too? Someone who can do so many acts of
kindsness for me, someone whos spent endless hours with me—to in the
end betray me. Why waste your time from the beginning? You could have
saved us both a lot of wasted time and effort. I wish I could hate him
but I can’t. The good memories are still present… however, the bad
will not be forgotten. I learned my lesson with that one and I truly
believe that karma will catch up.
I am a faithful friend to the end.. and one of those people who would
truly do anything for anybody---sometimes even for those I may not
exactly care for. So imagine how I am with those I truly do care for?
I would bend over backwards to protect them, to be there for them, and
to make sure they realize each day just how perfectly amazing they
are. So in the end who looses? Not me! I got rid of someone that was
in my life under false pretenses. Someone who was dishonest, fake, and
a coward. It looks like I win. In the end you are just a boy.---and I
do mean boy—not man! You have so much growing to do, and you don’t
even see it. I couldn’t face myself in the mirror after doing what you
did-and I don’t know how you do! I guess in the end you truly didn’t
care.
All the friendship drama combined with the fact that very few of my
family members can seem to actually act mature…has placed me in a
very..hmmm.. I guess sensitive position. I am stressed as I can ..
which for someone who gets migraines because of stress.. is not good.
I am one who can admit when I am at fault or when I am wrong. A
situation with my brother and sister-in-law started back in 2011 and
peaked last year. I feel that even after you are married that you
should attempt to split holiday time between families and participate
in birthdays and celebrations for other reasons (ie.graduation, new
job, etc.). My brother does not feel this way. Though his family
resides in the town that his wife’s mom lives and dad lives close too,
I would still understand an equal division of holidays or at least
attempting to give us days that would work for you in order for you to
participate in both places. It kicked off when I invited him to
Greenville to go out for my birthday, he didn’t tell me until the
night before the he wasn’t coming. I tried to explain to him how I,
and other family members, felt. Like we were not important. I hadn’t
seen them since Christmas. I got told I felt that way because I was
raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Well there are three issues
with that (1) my brother doesn’t talk that way, so obviously it was my
sister-in-law texting not him (2) that doesn’t even have anything to
do with my point (3) we were raised in the same household. Am I
spoiled yes, but would he have been afforded all the same
opportunities that I had if he had chose them-Yes! However, end of
conversation. I played nice at Christmas… and then last March hit. My
mom left my dad. This is where there are three sides to every story.
PEOPLE GET ALL THE SIDES BEFORE YOU JUDGE OR ELSE YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A
FUCKING MORON! I said things that I probably shouldn’t have said but I
wasn’t alone in that. I owned up to the fact that I could have
probably been more appropriate in how I responded. However, they act
like they did nothing wrong. We haven’t talked since and I quite
frankly am perfectly fine with that. My little brother saw a portion
of their ignorance last week when they again took what one person told
them like it was the holy grail… and responded accordingly. If I were
my brother I would have told him that when he wanted to act his age,
and get both sides of the story before judging to call me back then.
Until then stop talking and get out of my business. Thankfully my
little brother is nicer than I.
Some may think that it is stupid of me to put all my emotional baggage
out there for all to read. However, I am tired of holding it in. I
talked to a very amazing co-worker the other night about some of the
things that have been going on and I felt better after talking about
it. Just as I do now while I’m typing. Hopefully the drama and the
scarring that these situations have left me---will help someone out in
what they are going through as well.
I’m not perfect-and I don’t pretend to be. I’ve been asked numerous
times over the last few weeks what I want. Is that answer ever simple?
I don’t want perfection. I don’t want dishonesty, or lack of
integrity. I would love to rid my life of negativity but I know this
is hopeless as there are always going to be people trying to bring you
down. Though I like my job for the most part and I like my co-workers,
I want to find a job that would put me back on day shift hours and
that actually utilizes the master’s degree that I spent 7 ½ years
achieving. I’m smart and I want something that forces me to actually
use my head. Also, I’ve been mulling over the idea of maybe going to
law school if I can find the funding through financial aid or other
means. I would do this at night of course. North Carolina Central
offers night classes just for this. Next, I want to find someone. I’m
almost 27 and I’m not getting any younger. However, I don’t want to
rush into things either. I want to feel butterflies, and someone who
makes me nervous. Someone who makes me want to try new things, that
can call me on my bullshit, and doesn’t just let me have anything and
everything simply by asking. I want someone who is going to challenge
me… as many will tell you this will have to be a seriously strong
individual. From there on—I’m perfectly fine with the white picket
fence happily ever after scenario. I know it exists-even though I know
there are some skeptics out there. You can believe what you want-and
I’ll believe what I want. After all we are all supposed to be open
minded right?
I know this has become long winded but it was necessary for me at
least. Please any comments, suggestions, or feedback is amazingly
appreciated.
I haven’t really been up for talking about it because a lot of is
useless drama that could have been easily avoided by one acting their
age and two because it honestly still hurts.
Maturity is not defined by age but by actions. Just because you may be
the same age as another does not mean that you are as mature as that
person, or vice versa. I am just as guilty for name calling when I am
hurt as the next person is. However, I know these people. I know how
to hit them were it hurts, and when I’m upset or hurt I want them to
feel the same way. Is that right? No! Is it mature? No! However, in
the heat of an argument---it is easy to get caught up. Something I am
sure that each of us is guilty of at some point. However, I don’t
judge people. PERIOD! I decide how I feel about a person based on
their actions and what I learn about them myself. If I have friends
that don’t like a person-that does not automatically mean I am not
going to like this person as well. I am not a follower, I have my own
mind and I make my own decisions. Making judgments about people based
on the opinion of someone else or based on details/stories/comments
made by someone else about a person is immature and out right stupid.
Have you ever heard there are three sides to every story? Each
person’s side and then the truth. A person’s comments/stories are
biased and one sided. So how can one look themselves in the mirror
when you have judged another without even knowing them? Where they
came from, why they are the way they are, why they make the decisions
that they do… For whatever reason-I have always been a person who
didn’t trust easily. I am overly picky and selective about the people
that I choose to let get close to me. I have many upon many
acquaintances, I have an even smaller number of friends that I hang
out with or communicate with regularly, but I have 3 people that I
ultimately would trust with anything. If you had asked me about a
month ago the answer would have been 4. The first has been my best
friend since the 4th grade. We’ve been through everything together at
this point. Break ups, marriage, kids, separation, arguments, moving
away, moving back, birthdays, deaths..the list truly is endless. The
second is someone I met when I was 16 (about to be 17!). We can go
days, weeks, or months without talking but the second that I need him
he has always been there. The start of our relationship didn’t begin
well, but all the disagreeing turned into an amazing friendship. A
true friend will do things for you even when they really don’t want
too. He hates parties but I have drug him to more than one since
moving back home. He’s probably the only person on this planet that I
can be all out bawling with and he’ll just sit there and hold me. No
questions asked! Sometimes silence is what is needed, and he realizes
that. Plus he reminds me regularly just how strong of a person I
really am when I often fail to realize it. Lastly, is the one I have
met most recently. I met her in 2008 when I moved to Greenville, but
our friendship was not instantaneous. However, once I realized that we
were just a like in about all of our opinions our friendship blossomed
quickly. I know I could call her any time and any day, and even though
she doesn’t live here she would be there for me. I think in the entire
time we’ve been friends we’ve disagreed on one topic..but we
communicated and she understood my side and I understood her side. End
of topic! It didn’t ruin our friendship, we didn’t argue about it. It
just was what it was.
A true friend is someone that you trust with your life. You know they
are always going to be honest with you even if they are aware it is
not what you want to hear. They are reliable, trust worthy, and even
when you disagree you are able to communicate and work past your
issues. You know no matter what they will always make time for you
and will always be there for you. Due to the fact that the people
that fall into this category for me have been in there places in my
life for no less than 4 years. I figured my judgement was on point.
However, earlier this year I was proven very wrong. Someone that I had
allowed to be in my life since last August, someone who I thought I
could trust with anything—betrayed me in the most ultimate way.
Information that I had entrusted with him, he shared with someone
else. Who knows in the end probably even more than one person… I have
never felt so heartbroken..and not because I had feelings for him or
because it was anything like that but because he committed the
greatest friendship “sin.” I can get past you being dishonest, I can
get past you not exactly being reliable, I can get past a lot of
things--- I might be angry but as long as you communicate with
me---then I will get over it. However, for you to provided intimate
details of my life—details I had entrusted in you---to someone I don’t
even really know. That’s unforgiveable in my eyes. I could have
turned around and done the same to you. I could have told people
intimate things you entrusted in me. I could have told people what
you really think of them..and backed it up with text messages.
However, though I often can be a bitch I would never betray him like
that. Even now! That is probably the lowest things that a human can
do. You often complained that you didn’t think that your
ex-girlfriends parents thought you were good enough for her… at this
point I understand what they saw. I was being just as blind to your
actions as she was… and at your current state you didn’t deserve her
and you didn’t deserve my friendship. In the end, though it hurts even
now, I am glad it happened. It showed me what kind of person that he
truly is and that I guess I need to be even more shielded and
protective of who I place my trust in. It begs the question of what
this world is truly coming too? Someone who can do so many acts of
kindsness for me, someone whos spent endless hours with me—to in the
end betray me. Why waste your time from the beginning? You could have
saved us both a lot of wasted time and effort. I wish I could hate him
but I can’t. The good memories are still present… however, the bad
will not be forgotten. I learned my lesson with that one and I truly
believe that karma will catch up.
I am a faithful friend to the end.. and one of those people who would
truly do anything for anybody---sometimes even for those I may not
exactly care for. So imagine how I am with those I truly do care for?
I would bend over backwards to protect them, to be there for them, and
to make sure they realize each day just how perfectly amazing they
are. So in the end who looses? Not me! I got rid of someone that was
in my life under false pretenses. Someone who was dishonest, fake, and
a coward. It looks like I win. In the end you are just a boy.---and I
do mean boy—not man! You have so much growing to do, and you don’t
even see it. I couldn’t face myself in the mirror after doing what you
did-and I don’t know how you do! I guess in the end you truly didn’t
care.
All the friendship drama combined with the fact that very few of my
family members can seem to actually act mature…has placed me in a
very..hmmm.. I guess sensitive position. I am stressed as I can ..
which for someone who gets migraines because of stress.. is not good.
I am one who can admit when I am at fault or when I am wrong. A
situation with my brother and sister-in-law started back in 2011 and
peaked last year. I feel that even after you are married that you
should attempt to split holiday time between families and participate
in birthdays and celebrations for other reasons (ie.graduation, new
job, etc.). My brother does not feel this way. Though his family
resides in the town that his wife’s mom lives and dad lives close too,
I would still understand an equal division of holidays or at least
attempting to give us days that would work for you in order for you to
participate in both places. It kicked off when I invited him to
Greenville to go out for my birthday, he didn’t tell me until the
night before the he wasn’t coming. I tried to explain to him how I,
and other family members, felt. Like we were not important. I hadn’t
seen them since Christmas. I got told I felt that way because I was
raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Well there are three issues
with that (1) my brother doesn’t talk that way, so obviously it was my
sister-in-law texting not him (2) that doesn’t even have anything to
do with my point (3) we were raised in the same household. Am I
spoiled yes, but would he have been afforded all the same
opportunities that I had if he had chose them-Yes! However, end of
conversation. I played nice at Christmas… and then last March hit. My
mom left my dad. This is where there are three sides to every story.
PEOPLE GET ALL THE SIDES BEFORE YOU JUDGE OR ELSE YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A
FUCKING MORON! I said things that I probably shouldn’t have said but I
wasn’t alone in that. I owned up to the fact that I could have
probably been more appropriate in how I responded. However, they act
like they did nothing wrong. We haven’t talked since and I quite
frankly am perfectly fine with that. My little brother saw a portion
of their ignorance last week when they again took what one person told
them like it was the holy grail… and responded accordingly. If I were
my brother I would have told him that when he wanted to act his age,
and get both sides of the story before judging to call me back then.
Until then stop talking and get out of my business. Thankfully my
little brother is nicer than I.
Some may think that it is stupid of me to put all my emotional baggage
out there for all to read. However, I am tired of holding it in. I
talked to a very amazing co-worker the other night about some of the
things that have been going on and I felt better after talking about
it. Just as I do now while I’m typing. Hopefully the drama and the
scarring that these situations have left me---will help someone out in
what they are going through as well.
I’m not perfect-and I don’t pretend to be. I’ve been asked numerous
times over the last few weeks what I want. Is that answer ever simple?
I don’t want perfection. I don’t want dishonesty, or lack of
integrity. I would love to rid my life of negativity but I know this
is hopeless as there are always going to be people trying to bring you
down. Though I like my job for the most part and I like my co-workers,
I want to find a job that would put me back on day shift hours and
that actually utilizes the master’s degree that I spent 7 ½ years
achieving. I’m smart and I want something that forces me to actually
use my head. Also, I’ve been mulling over the idea of maybe going to
law school if I can find the funding through financial aid or other
means. I would do this at night of course. North Carolina Central
offers night classes just for this. Next, I want to find someone. I’m
almost 27 and I’m not getting any younger. However, I don’t want to
rush into things either. I want to feel butterflies, and someone who
makes me nervous. Someone who makes me want to try new things, that
can call me on my bullshit, and doesn’t just let me have anything and
everything simply by asking. I want someone who is going to challenge
me… as many will tell you this will have to be a seriously strong
individual. From there on—I’m perfectly fine with the white picket
fence happily ever after scenario. I know it exists-even though I know
there are some skeptics out there. You can believe what you want-and
I’ll believe what I want. After all we are all supposed to be open
minded right?
I know this has become long winded but it was necessary for me at
least. Please any comments, suggestions, or feedback is amazingly
appreciated.
Expectation of Friends-am I wrong?
Apparently my definition of friends varies greatly from others... I
just didn't realize how much til tonight. I expect my friends to be
upfront and honest. That when I tell them things that are personal then
they realize right away that this information is not to be shared. They
surely don't provide the information to people that I don't even know
that well. They are reliable and dependable. I want to know that I can
all you at anytime... Day or night and you'll be there to answer the
call. They make me a priority in their life because they are one in
mine. I can trust them entirely.
I misplaced my trust so horribly and I just realized it. And now I can't help but to wander if I've misplaced it in any other manner as well? I don't want someone who's going to kiss my ass to my face and talk shit about me behind my back. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised because i saw you doing that with so many people. Actually I saw you do that with basically everybody... How was I so blind?
People are what they make themselves ... You aren't naturally evil and cold hearted. You allow yourself to become that way. So you have no excuse to stab someone in the back who actually for a while there was 100% standing beside you.
I'm done trying to find the good in people. It just brings hurt.
I misplaced my trust so horribly and I just realized it. And now I can't help but to wander if I've misplaced it in any other manner as well? I don't want someone who's going to kiss my ass to my face and talk shit about me behind my back. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised because i saw you doing that with so many people. Actually I saw you do that with basically everybody... How was I so blind?
People are what they make themselves ... You aren't naturally evil and cold hearted. You allow yourself to become that way. So you have no excuse to stab someone in the back who actually for a while there was 100% standing beside you.
I'm done trying to find the good in people. It just brings hurt.
Red in Feelings
Tonight myself and my friend Emily went to see Taylor Swift in concert.
I have never seen her in concert before but almost every girl worldwide can relate to her songs and I'm no exception. Her songs deal with situations that we have all at some point been through. Sitting there and listening to her lyrics made me think about my life and what I want. I'm tired of "falling" for the wrong guys who at the time seem so right but when in reality don't deserve me. Conceited to say... Maybe? But if you walked in my shoes for the past couple of months you'd agree. Being blind to just how bad a person really is for you just to keep him there. I'm done with that... And I'm done with him! I know he thinks that a few weeks or a couple of months down the road I'm going to "come back to him" because unfortunately I've been stupid enough to do so before. However, why keep fighting for a friendship or anything if the other person won't. Pointless right?
I used to be full of dreams and fearless... I miss that in myself. I know what I want, I know where I want my life to take me... I want to relearn who I am and after that find someone who is willing to "fight" for me and isn't afraid to feel. I have some dreams and some goals... But I want much more!
First I have to let go of some things, some memories and my one true regret which I think at this point is just letting the person I was talking about earlier into my life at all. Let go of all resentment and hurt and dislike. Some will be bittersweet to part with. But it is a must!
I'm done just going day to day... I wanna live!
I have never seen her in concert before but almost every girl worldwide can relate to her songs and I'm no exception. Her songs deal with situations that we have all at some point been through. Sitting there and listening to her lyrics made me think about my life and what I want. I'm tired of "falling" for the wrong guys who at the time seem so right but when in reality don't deserve me. Conceited to say... Maybe? But if you walked in my shoes for the past couple of months you'd agree. Being blind to just how bad a person really is for you just to keep him there. I'm done with that... And I'm done with him! I know he thinks that a few weeks or a couple of months down the road I'm going to "come back to him" because unfortunately I've been stupid enough to do so before. However, why keep fighting for a friendship or anything if the other person won't. Pointless right?
I used to be full of dreams and fearless... I miss that in myself. I know what I want, I know where I want my life to take me... I want to relearn who I am and after that find someone who is willing to "fight" for me and isn't afraid to feel. I have some dreams and some goals... But I want much more!
First I have to let go of some things, some memories and my one true regret which I think at this point is just letting the person I was talking about earlier into my life at all. Let go of all resentment and hurt and dislike. Some will be bittersweet to part with. But it is a must!
I'm done just going day to day... I wanna live!
Summer Bucket List 2013
Summer is just right around the corner...and is my favorite season of
the year! I love the sand, the hot weather, the sun, the clothes, the
water and everything in between.
So I decided to make a summer bucket list... A list of things I want to accomplish between the first day of June and the last day of August.
-Read five books
-Go camping
-Make peach ice cream
-Visit a lighthouse
-Have a BBQ
-Visit the planetarium
-Stargaze
-Watch fireworks
-Make root beer floats
-Play tag in the rain
-Mini road trip
-Visit two different beaches in two different states.
-Build a fire and make s'mores
-Visit a zoo
-Build a sandcastle
-Catch fireflies
-Water balloon fight
-Visit a museum
-Have a picnic
-Learn how to swim
-Go to a outdoor concert
-Go on a paddle boat ride
That's all I have come up with so far but I'm sure there will be more to come. Some of the stuff I've never done before and some of the stuff I haven't done in a long, long time. I guess I want to reconnect with my inner child this summer :)
I can't wait !!!!!!
So I decided to make a summer bucket list... A list of things I want to accomplish between the first day of June and the last day of August.
-Read five books
-Go camping
-Make peach ice cream
-Visit a lighthouse
-Have a BBQ
-Visit the planetarium
-Stargaze
-Watch fireworks
-Make root beer floats
-Play tag in the rain
-Mini road trip
-Visit two different beaches in two different states.
-Build a fire and make s'mores
-Visit a zoo
-Build a sandcastle
-Catch fireflies
-Water balloon fight
-Visit a museum
-Have a picnic
-Learn how to swim
-Go to a outdoor concert
-Go on a paddle boat ride
That's all I have come up with so far but I'm sure there will be more to come. Some of the stuff I've never done before and some of the stuff I haven't done in a long, long time. I guess I want to reconnect with my inner child this summer :)
I can't wait !!!!!!
What I want!
As I sit here and watch one of my favorite episodes of " One Tree Hill"
(some you give away is the episode title, btw)--- the one where Tree
Hill ravens win the state championship and Lucas finally realizes his
feelings for Peyton. A conversation between Lucas and Skills stands out
to me :
Skills: You said "Oh!"? Hold on. Peyton says "I'm in love with you" and you say "Oh"? Nice work player!
Lucas: She caught me by surprise, what was I supposed to say, huh?
Skills: Not "Oh". Ok, what else did you say?
Lucas: I mumbled something about us being friends and then I left.
Skills: You believe that? That you and P. Sawyer are just friends!?
Lucas: Look, you know what Skills? For a long time I thought that maybe we'd be something more. It just never seemed to work out, you know? So, at a certain point you just gotta face the fact that it's not meant to be.
Skills: Even if she wants more?
Lucas: She's just a little confused. She's had a hard year and I happened to be there and rescue her a few times.
Skills: So maybe you're the one who's confused! Cause you didn't just happen to rescue her a few times. You didn't just happen to run into the school that day or save her from psycho-Derek. Peyton happened to be there, but you chose to be there. So, maybe you gotta think about that.
Also the one at the end between Peyton and Lucas:
Peyton: I'll be seeing you.
(walks away)
Lucas: Peyton! It's you.
Peyton: What?!
Lucas: When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me. It's you. It's you Peyton.
(kisses Peyton)
Sometimes things don't come easy to people but that doesn't make them any less right. However it does often put doubt on how truly meant to be things are if there never seems to be a right time. I've had a lot of issues with one person in particular for a while. Our relationship has been defined in numerous different ways... Which isn't healthy at all. It's made me recently do a lot of thinking about what I want out of a relationship and this is what I've come up with.
Though looks are important for initial attraction they are not what will keep me around. I want someone who I know would do anything for me and will be by my side through the good and bad. Some be that is strong in their convictions and can argue and make their point. Yet they also have to respect my opinion even when it differs from their own. I love to be spoiled but I don't want someone who's just going to give it to what I want all the time either. I want someone that will challenge me daily. Someone who makes me want to be the best person that I can be. Someone I want to cuddle with, spend rainy days with, and sleep in with. I'm a person who doesn't sleep well and doesn't really like to cuddle much--- but in the past with a few instances this has changed. We don't have to have everything in common and I'd actually prefer someone who's completely different than myself--- someone who helps me grow and leaves me room to do so. Someone who can expand my "horizons." It doesn't mean we always have to get along or that we never argue.. We don't have to spend 24/7 together but it does mean we trust and communicate endlessly. I like the small things... Cute little notes... Good morning texts... Things that don't require much but still have the capability to mean the world when coming from the right person. I want someone who in essence completes me!
With any relationship you bring on the chance of getting hurt... It's up to your self wether or not that chance is worth it. For the past few months I have not been willing to take a chance on someone who at least about two months ago truly deserved it. This was simply because I was scared... Granted I had every right to be. Myself and this person don't have a very good track record. We often argue because our communication is often misinterpreted. Sometimes I wish I could truly just hate him... So that this can be all over with. Yet at the end of the day I can't. Regardless of the "disagreements" we've had I've only been truly angry to the point where it didn't dissipate for days once. I've come to the conclusion recently that The fact that our relationship seems to always be in limbo .. Makes me so unsure of where I actually stand with him or how he feels. This makes me crazy and unsure and questioning.. Which in essence makes things not ok with him for a multitude of reasons.
I know we are never guaranteed tomorrow... That things can change Instantly and we never get a chance to go back. I gave this person my " heart" again in essence... Not meaning I'm in love with him bc it's not that serious but currently he's in a position where he can hurt me. I want all or nothing with him because all " labels" in between aren't working. It could end so horribly... I know this but I'd rather him know how I feel than never get the opportunity to tell him. Even if he chooses to not take a chance on me... He at least in the end knows. Ill eventually heal... And things will eventually find there own place. I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason... The bad so we truly appreciate the good.
In the end... All I can do is wait for an answer. I'm trying to be patient... I will be patient with this... And for those who know me realize how difficult that is for me :)
Who is in your life is who is meant to be there... It's each individuals responsibility and choice to in essence "fight" to stay there.. Why would you ever want to keep someone in your life who doesn't fight for you???? If you were to die tomorrow..would everyone close to you know how you felt about them... How much you cared? Would they know the true you? I'm not taking that chance anymore... Even if it means diving head first in... Putting my heart on the line daily... It'll all be worth it in the end.
Skills: You said "Oh!"? Hold on. Peyton says "I'm in love with you" and you say "Oh"? Nice work player!
Lucas: She caught me by surprise, what was I supposed to say, huh?
Skills: Not "Oh". Ok, what else did you say?
Lucas: I mumbled something about us being friends and then I left.
Skills: You believe that? That you and P. Sawyer are just friends!?
Lucas: Look, you know what Skills? For a long time I thought that maybe we'd be something more. It just never seemed to work out, you know? So, at a certain point you just gotta face the fact that it's not meant to be.
Skills: Even if she wants more?
Lucas: She's just a little confused. She's had a hard year and I happened to be there and rescue her a few times.
Skills: So maybe you're the one who's confused! Cause you didn't just happen to rescue her a few times. You didn't just happen to run into the school that day or save her from psycho-Derek. Peyton happened to be there, but you chose to be there. So, maybe you gotta think about that.
Also the one at the end between Peyton and Lucas:
Peyton: I'll be seeing you.
(walks away)
Lucas: Peyton! It's you.
Peyton: What?!
Lucas: When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me. It's you. It's you Peyton.
(kisses Peyton)
Sometimes things don't come easy to people but that doesn't make them any less right. However it does often put doubt on how truly meant to be things are if there never seems to be a right time. I've had a lot of issues with one person in particular for a while. Our relationship has been defined in numerous different ways... Which isn't healthy at all. It's made me recently do a lot of thinking about what I want out of a relationship and this is what I've come up with.
Though looks are important for initial attraction they are not what will keep me around. I want someone who I know would do anything for me and will be by my side through the good and bad. Some be that is strong in their convictions and can argue and make their point. Yet they also have to respect my opinion even when it differs from their own. I love to be spoiled but I don't want someone who's just going to give it to what I want all the time either. I want someone that will challenge me daily. Someone who makes me want to be the best person that I can be. Someone I want to cuddle with, spend rainy days with, and sleep in with. I'm a person who doesn't sleep well and doesn't really like to cuddle much--- but in the past with a few instances this has changed. We don't have to have everything in common and I'd actually prefer someone who's completely different than myself--- someone who helps me grow and leaves me room to do so. Someone who can expand my "horizons." It doesn't mean we always have to get along or that we never argue.. We don't have to spend 24/7 together but it does mean we trust and communicate endlessly. I like the small things... Cute little notes... Good morning texts... Things that don't require much but still have the capability to mean the world when coming from the right person. I want someone who in essence completes me!
With any relationship you bring on the chance of getting hurt... It's up to your self wether or not that chance is worth it. For the past few months I have not been willing to take a chance on someone who at least about two months ago truly deserved it. This was simply because I was scared... Granted I had every right to be. Myself and this person don't have a very good track record. We often argue because our communication is often misinterpreted. Sometimes I wish I could truly just hate him... So that this can be all over with. Yet at the end of the day I can't. Regardless of the "disagreements" we've had I've only been truly angry to the point where it didn't dissipate for days once. I've come to the conclusion recently that The fact that our relationship seems to always be in limbo .. Makes me so unsure of where I actually stand with him or how he feels. This makes me crazy and unsure and questioning.. Which in essence makes things not ok with him for a multitude of reasons.
I know we are never guaranteed tomorrow... That things can change Instantly and we never get a chance to go back. I gave this person my " heart" again in essence... Not meaning I'm in love with him bc it's not that serious but currently he's in a position where he can hurt me. I want all or nothing with him because all " labels" in between aren't working. It could end so horribly... I know this but I'd rather him know how I feel than never get the opportunity to tell him. Even if he chooses to not take a chance on me... He at least in the end knows. Ill eventually heal... And things will eventually find there own place. I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason... The bad so we truly appreciate the good.
In the end... All I can do is wait for an answer. I'm trying to be patient... I will be patient with this... And for those who know me realize how difficult that is for me :)
Who is in your life is who is meant to be there... It's each individuals responsibility and choice to in essence "fight" to stay there.. Why would you ever want to keep someone in your life who doesn't fight for you???? If you were to die tomorrow..would everyone close to you know how you felt about them... How much you cared? Would they know the true you? I'm not taking that chance anymore... Even if it means diving head first in... Putting my heart on the line daily... It'll all be worth it in the end.
What to do.....
It's 4 a.m. And I can't fall asleep to save my life. My mind feels like
it is running at full speed. There is do much going on in my
thoughts... I hate feeling this way. For the past two days, I have been
just a ball of anger. Unavoidably so since it was the result of someone
else's very selfish and ignorant actions. You put so much faith in
people only to be disappointed in the end... Like the person they have
been anytime they were with you for the past 7 months or so is not who
they truly are. That they are indeed the selfish, conceited, dishonest
person that everyone told you they were to begin with. One if those
things that your head could see as true but that your heart doesn't
want to listen too.
You always want to see the good in people... But if they don't see it in themselves... What's the point? It's a waste of time to believe in someone who seems perfectly fine to not be living up to their potential... Who's fine being a lesser person than what they could be. I see this so often... And it's sad! Yet there's nothing I can really do about it.
I just wish people would be who they are from the beginning or possibly just walk around with a sign around their neck telling you what they are for real. No lies... No cheating... No fake ness! Just them in truth. Because when you base your expectations based on them being or acting a certain way... How can they be so angry when you expect that from then on out?
So many questions... And doubts... And uncertainties!
Honestly.. Where do I go from here?
You always want to see the good in people... But if they don't see it in themselves... What's the point? It's a waste of time to believe in someone who seems perfectly fine to not be living up to their potential... Who's fine being a lesser person than what they could be. I see this so often... And it's sad! Yet there's nothing I can really do about it.
I just wish people would be who they are from the beginning or possibly just walk around with a sign around their neck telling you what they are for real. No lies... No cheating... No fake ness! Just them in truth. Because when you base your expectations based on them being or acting a certain way... How can they be so angry when you expect that from then on out?
So many questions... And doubts... And uncertainties!
Honestly.. Where do I go from here?
Pleasing Me!
Go ahead and get your mind out of the gutter now!
I'm quite aware at this point in my life that I'm a hard person to please... I do have high expectations and this become an issue when people expect less of themselves
Than I do of them. Why do people take so offense to high standards and high expectations? What does that say about what you think about yourself? Assuming that you are automatically going to fail. I believe you should surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you want together the best person you an be. Not just finding people more fucked up than yourself so that you feel slightly more "normal". So much effort is placed on normalcy and having people like you.. In reality I know that I'm a great person and I love to a fault. I'm the friend that you can call at two a.m. And still expect me to be there for you. Something I've proven to those who have known me for a while. If someone doesn't like me that's there loss not mine. My life has enough negativity without adding yours.
At the end of the day... I love myself... Faults and praises! Can you say the same thing? A lot of people can't!
I've had a rough past week... I legitimately feel like I've lost a best friend because our priorities are different and we are unable to effectively communicate. Communication is key to any type of relationship. He disagrees with that. At this point it doesn't even seem to matter to him that things aren't right and I've put up with the bullshit for long enough to be pissed off by it at this point. I'm 26, almost 27, and you just wanna throw it under the rug like it didn't happen? That's like a volcano just waiting to erupt. I'd rather face it now than later when things are completely Unresolvable... Which at this point I think they are anyways.
Time can heal all wounds... But you never forget!
On a side note- I took our puppy to the vet to get her puppy shots bolstered and her rabies vaccination administered. She weighs 17 lbs now... Mid January when we got her from animal control she weighed just under 4 lbs. she's such a little piglet.
How can you not fall in love with that face?
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